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whitneyjb
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Name: Whitney
Birthday: 9/17/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Things I love... Jesus, my crazy friends, my siblings (sometimes), my parents, ok boring... ice cream, my silly cat Tilly who hears voices in her head, cheerleading aka making a fool of myself, of course clothes and shopping for clothes, things I can't afford, orlando bloom, taking pictures, boys, saying "just kidding" oh wait no I hate that, laughing with my friends and much much more!
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  camgurl917
Member Since:
5/15/2004
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| I know I never update anymore. I don't even know why I'm going to write this on xanga but I'm finally able to put this in words so I needed to write it down somewhere. I am not going back to the University of Michigan... and the funny thing is I'm really relieved. If you would have told me two years ago that I made it in and chose to only go one year I probably would have cried. I also know that a lot of people might think that I'm wasting a good opportunity but inside of me I don't care because I know what God has told me and I can't explain that to them. But I will try so everyone doesn't think I'm crazy. You see, a place like Michigan is a place that wants to have a special place in your life, it almost commands it. For me this place was one where only God should sit. I'm not saying that everyone who goes to Michigan idolizes the school, I'm just saying that I put this education in that place. I wanted to feel better about myself so I chose a school that I thought would impress lots of people. I wanted security for my future, I wanted to have prestige, I wanted to be around people that were seemingly "blessed" and I wanted people to look at me and know I must be something special. Guess what?... A college can't erase all of your insecurities... it will actually only make the bigger. Over the past year or so I've gotten some bumps and bruises, some of them were caused by my own bad choices, but God has always been there to pick me up and dust me off. And through these trials I have found a freedom and a love that can cover all of those insecurities and make me a whole person. So if going to community college can help me keep God on the throne of my heart where He belongs... I don't mind a bit. And I have every confidence that God doesn't care where I went to school and will still provide me with the opportunities to make my desires of being a photographer come true. I am blessed and I don't need to pay $20,000 in tuition for other people to see that.  | | |
| It's been forever. I'm back home trying to find a place to fit all of my stuff. I can't believe how much I fit in that small dorm room. The first part of this week was spent at good old Emmanuel helping out with the yearbook. It's strange down there and being there. I am now an official employee of Cafe Marie (the one in Bedford). The job seems a lot easier than what I thought it was going to be. For Natalie and Jolie, it's basically like doing breakfast for the old people except for the food is a lot better and there's more of it and less people. I like the job so far, everyone is really nice and it seems pretty laid back. The only thing I haven't liked was probably working dish pit today which was gross because crusted on pancakes and syrup, ketchup and egg isn't very appealing. But the job does make me want to come home and make nice omlets and pancakes for myself. I hate coming home smelling like bacon but I'm glad I don't have to work late hours and I get tips. So there's not much else going on besides me being bored so if anyone wants to hang out feel free to call me or im or something. | | |
| So if you haven't read the book Captivating (I'm not finished yet) and you are a girl, you seriously need to.
These are a few excerpts from what I read today...
"God wants to live this life together with you, to share in your days and decisions, your desires and disappointments.... First, God says that he will thwart our efforts to find life apart from him.
Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. (Hos. 2:6-7)
He does this, as we said, in order to wear us out, get us to turn back to him in thirsty longing. Then he begins to woo us. He often takes us aside from every other source of comfort so that he alone can have our heart's attention.
Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. (Hos. 2:14)"
It's amazing to start falling in love with God beyond what I ever knew before and to see Him waiting for me with the most amazing love in return. I've learned so much about myself in this past year and learned a lot about who God says I am. Here's another part that I love...
"A woman in her glory, a woman of beauty, is a woman who is not striving to become beautiful or worthy or enough. She knows in her quiet center where God dwells that he finds her beautiful, has deemed her worthy, and in him, she is enough.... A woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul is at rest, trusting God because she has come to know him to be worthy of her trust."
I see why I have spent so much of my life in unrest... not trusting anyone... not trusting myself... not even trusting God. Then I see what it's like when I give things to God and trust Him and I have finally found true rest.
"Living in true beauty can require much waiting, much time, much tenacity of spirit. We must constantly direct our gazes toward the face of God, even in the presence of longing and sorrow. It is in the waiting that our hearts are enlarged. God does not always rescue us out of a painful season. You know that he does not always give to us what we so desperately want when we want it. He is after something much more valuable than our happiness. Much more substantive than our health. He is restoring and growing in us an eternal weight of glory. And sometimes... it hurts."
I know this is like the longest post ever but I was just really moved that my life in the past year was summed up in two chapters. And my life for the future was also in there. And God, in unspeakable ways, moves me deep in my heart.
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| Yesterday was the day that I did not need one more thing to go wrong and then at 9:03 p.m.... one more thing went wrong.
I jokingly was going to put on my away message last night "I'm going to bed not having my final photo project done because God wants me to." There was no other explanation why the photo lab called me and said my entire roll of film that contained my entire project that was due at 8:30 a.m. was completely black. I sobbed and prayed to God and I sobbed on the phone with my mom and she told me just to go to sleep. My professor told me this morning that she would not let me hand my project in late and that I would just have to stick whatever I had on the wall and that would me my only shot. She promised me I wouldn't fail which didn't really help. So somehow those six prints of the same thing that I made in the dark room yesterday that were supposed to be 1/12 of my entire assignment were able to earn me a B+. When I felt like I was just falling apart God spoke to me. He told me that if He cares enough to make some stupid photo project turn out alright then how much more does He care about the big things in my life. He cares so much more about everything in my life than I can imagine and He always will.
"I wil sing to the Lord for He has been good to me." | | |
| Just another countdown because I'm super excited!
the 12th- all Art and Design classes end
the 14th- Art and Design Perspectives II final
the 17th- last English class
the 20th- final English paper due at 4:00 p.m.
And praise God because I just got a letter saying that I got the scholarship to pay for the extra amount it costs to live in my dorm! I'm so excited because it's a wonderful place to live and I know this is where God wants me to be because of the support system I have with the amount of amazing Christian girls that we have living here.
I'm just ready to be done with school right now and I'm ready to come home... but there is still just so much more to do.
P.S.
I sold my soul to the devil and I'm returning to Emmanuel when I'm done with school and helping them finish the yearbook. Woo hoo, I get to go to first hour for who knows how long. (that was sarcasm) | | |
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